A Dose of Cape Town

 For those of you that have read my previous blogs and found a few pearls of wisdom in there, this is not one of those blogs. In fact, this blog has nothing profound or deep to think about. It simply relays a few experiences I thought I should share from my time in the Mother City and eludes to just one reason on why I think SA is the best country in the world.

A few years ago, before I began my Korean Odyssey, I was in need of a couple of documents. In particular, a non-criminal background check. For those who have never needed such a redundant piece of paper, it is basically a document with your fingerprints on it that has been check against your citizenship to ensure that you do not have a criminal record in your country of origin. Now, coming from an engineering background, I simply cannot understand how security companies, banks and even a few administration buildings manage to get automated biometrics right, whilst the guard of SA, namely SAPS, cannot. All the afore mentioned places have made the smooth transition to digital fingerprints that give you access to your data, but SAPS...dololo, one must still dip their fingers in ink and smash it on a paper and hand in a document to the inspector with not only your fingerprints on it, but filthy ink marks all over the place, like an indian primary school learner(myself) handing in an assignment with yellow marks all over it from the tumeric in the curry my mother made the night before handin. Even smartphones have got this right to some extent!

Nevertheless, my story begins at a Police Station in Cape Town. I was told to bring R114.00 and my ID document. The station looked dodge: the walls were cracked, the floor was cracked, doors ... cracked, officers... well ... (let's not be rude) I made my way up the stairs, at least what was left of them, to the inspector that would facilitate my fingerprinting. She told me that I would need to pay down the corridor and bring the receipt as proof before we begin, so I did. I remember giving the lady R120, she gave me R1 change, a receipt and a melodious, "Thank you, boy!". Wait, 120 - 114 = 6! Perhaps she had made an error, so I asked for my R5. Her reply was, "Sorry boy, we don't have change." But this is the police station, I thought to myself. How can I be robbed at the police station? I let it slip and continued back down the hall to get my fingerprints captured. The officer told me that she could not do my prints because there were no pens at the station! Yes, that's right, no pens at the police station! How affidavits are made, charges laid, I have no idea. I asked her why she didn't tell me this before I paid and she said, "Because you didint usk!" (ehhh) So I asked what I should do now and she pointed me to buy a pen from the Pakistani across the road. When I got to his shop with my police clearance papers, the first thing he said was, "Pen, bhai? Five Rand." (I suspect this was a common occurrence) After my forms were filled and fingerprints captured, the officer asked if she could keep my pen. I replied that the admin lady now had R5 to support the Pakistani across the road!

One might think that is a rather strange experience, however, I experienced the pen problem at the local post office as well. Now, I have been processed by police stations in Dubai, Turkey, China and Korea and I have to say, by far this was the best of my experiences. It just had so much finesse, soul and vibe. To hell with things working properly and making sense.

My second story revolves around KFC and specifically Cape Town KFC's. For some or other reason, the concept of Ketchup or tomato sauce is just not well taught in the training here. Now, I do have a habit of asking for my burgers to have no regular sauce, only ketchup. What that means, (I would assume) is that I would like the standard crappy sauce to be removed and replaced with ketchup or even just to be given the good old sachet of Ketchup, but for some reason, KFC just can't get it right. Hats off to Macdonald's - never got it wrong. I remember asking a KFC attendant for no regular sauce, just ketchup and she looked at me as if she were pregnant and her water had just broke! She said, "Sir, what's thut?" I replied by saying, "Ketchup, tomato sauce" (maybe she had not know the American term)She replied by saying, "Toma... ehh," As if she was now having contractions.

Naadir: Tomato sauce... the red one

Cashier: We don have

Naadir: Surely you guys have tomato sauce! Please, just give me a sachet of ketchup

Cashier: You want the burger must catch up

At this point I didn't even understand the language I was hearing and just decided to take whatever was given to me and put on tomato sauce at home.

On another occasion I asked a KFC attendant to please put no sauce on my burger... White sauce every where! After taking the burger back and asking for it to be removed, they proceeded to wipe away the sauce and hand me back the same soggy, sauced patty and bun . Now I am not allergic to any sauce, but what if I was? I then told the cashier to please give me a new burger without any sauce. I received a patty and buns. No cheese, pickles or lettuce! One cannot win at KFC!

I have eaten at KFC in Korea, China, Dubai, Thailand and Turkey and never once had a sauce issue, but KFC SA just somehow manages to get it right. My point again why SA always provides excitement where none could otherwise be found.

The truth is quite simply that my home country is not perfect and in fact is far from perfect, but in all honesty imagine a world where taxis drive well; KFC always seems to give you exactly what you want; public services are provided with stationery included. I mean, it would be great, but so much entertainment value lost. So much resilience not gained. Here in South Africa, they make us tough and ready for all that life has to offer. My country is not the best in many aspects, but it is my home and it's a home with many laughs and worth fighting for.